A Little Post About Shrinkage

The sum total of today's output (so far). Great oaks from mighty acorns...

 
My husband tells me that I am an acquired taste...and yes, I am. I'm also not to everyone's taste...but that wasn't always so. Before I became an acquired taste, I was as bland as vanilla ice cream, as palatable as chamomile tea, and probably a lot more well-liked than I am now. Which is not to say that people don't like me...but the more *me* I become, inevitably I seem to be more of an "I don't know about her..." kind of girl. I might take some getting used to. Some people decide they don't like me. And that's okay.

What does that have to do with jewelry? Or the photo above, of the hundreds of tiny metal mosaic pieces I have just cut? Well..a lot, actually...

The very brilliant and perceptive Danielle LaPorte has an excellent post on her blog called, "The Real Reason Some People Are Bad for You" and I utterly agree with her perspective. It's about what we do in response to negativity from others. Go, read it now, and then feel free to share your thoughts...in the meantime, I'll share mine.  :)

This very much touches on the post I wrote here about self-love. I think that if you love yourself, and you're comfortable / happy with who you are, it *does* hurt to shrink. Not that it can't be done from time to time, in order to be graceful, or kind, or considerate of others, yeah, okay, you rein yourself in for a bit. But having to shrink one's self all the time is soul-killing.

And that will also kill a creative's spirit. I can't tell you how many times when people "talk" on some of my online chat groups they post things like, "Well, my husband denigrates my work" or "my family doesn't support me" or "I am not allowed (!!) to do thus-and-such". I have been there, and it's hurtful. It's demoralizing. These women are living small. And I get it (though I hate it); it's hard to live loud and proud when those around you want you to be small...or need for you to be small so that they can feel big. It's a power struggle and the person who shrinks themselves, who denies themselves, loses. Every time.

Now, I'm not saying that every creative should make a career out of what they love. It's risky, it's typically a very up-and-down roller coaster ride of finances, and it requires long, long hours of work to make the creations, then market and sell them. That can be hard on a family. And for every stay-at-home-mom who's "made it" on Etsy or eBay or elsewhere, there are at least a hundred others who don't. Or can't. Sometimes what you love should stay a passionate hobby. You can still create in your downtime from work, on the weekends, when the kids are asleep...there are options for the passionate hobbyist. If you love it, you'll continue to do it, in whatever measure. Unless you are in a relationship(s) where you and your creativity are constantly boxed in, denigrated...shrunken. Then you'll either leave, or give up your passion entirely for as long as you are in that situation.

But sometimes, it becomes more than you expected. My own designing started out as a hobby, and stayed that way, for nearly a decade. In fact, *I* didn't think about turning it into a business; it was Brett who suggested it, and then when I was laid off via a corporate merger in the early aughts, he really pushed me to pursue it. And owning and running my own business has been instrumental in allowing me to stretch and reach and to actually believe in myself (because when things seem impossible, and you're the only person standing up for yourself (because it's your business), you'd damn well better believe in YOU because YOU are the only thing that's going to get you through the rough times). It made me to develop a...shall we say, "stronger" personality so I wouldn't get pushed around. And the stronger part developed into the girl who didn't, who eventually couldn't, just shrink herself and make nice. Instead she stretched and grew and even occasionally roared when she had to. And I think once you do that, and do it long enough that it becomes who you are, you can't go back.

I've been thinking about this a lot lately as I am working on pushing the mosaic creations further, and as I work on creating bolder, bigger designs. The mosaics get a lot of attention; they sometimes even inspire awe (always very gratifying). But they are not for everyone. They're not the "be happy and play nice" of most of my more gemstone-focused designs. The stone-based pieces say, "Mmm! I like color! I'm a little bold! I don't mind asymmetry!" All true. All good. But there are others who want to adorn themselves with something that's really different. People who are comfortable being different. Who don't worry about what the rest of us think about them. The people who, as Wayne Dyer might say, have broken "from the tribe" and are forging their own paths.

Those are the people I find fascinating. The ones I strive to learn from. The ones I want to design for. They're living life on their own terms and yeah, that might not be to everyone's taste. They might have to grow on you...or maybe they won't. But they don't shrink and they don't worry about being judged...it sounds kind of nice, doesn't it?

I want the mosaic designs to be like that. Bold. You might have to consider them, get used to the idea. They might be an acquired taste...and that's totally okay.

As bold as I've gotten...so far. 

So all those little tiny bits of sterling in the photo above? They're just waiting to become something daring and different and wonderful. And to go to a good home with someone who appreciates their unique-ness.  :) 

Don't shrink yourself. For anyone. Expand, grow, emerge, bloom!  You won't regret it!

The Tool Junkie Says No

I went to the jewelery supply recently (and don't think I wasn't happy about silver hanging at ~$20 an ounce!) and while I was there, the man helping me said, "So, do you have all the tools you want now, or are there still more to buy?" (we jewelry people are a bit tool-obsessed). And I said, "Well, I have a good amount, but there's always more to be had. But what I really need is an extra pair of hands in the studio." And he nodded in a way that people who have been in my situation tend to nod...a little sagely, a little sad for me, a little "good luck"-y.  Because they know about being where I am.  :)

I've mentioned before, most recently here, about needing help and working on getting the studio ready for it. There does come a time when one pair of hands is not enough, and last year was quite often like that. Not enough hours to create, not enough strength or stamina in the body that was pushed to - and past - its limits, on many, many days. Not enough time to attend to the other aspects of the business, like social media, expansion, designing for wholesale, etc. etc.

This year I'm aiming to get the help I seriously need. I have two, possibly three people in mind, and will be making some phone calls this coming week to see what's what and who's available, and hopefully a good fit.

Can't wait to find out who! 

I've been dreading this point, but now that I've had some breathing room for a few days, I am really kind of liking the idea of having someone in the studio part time, of teaching someone, of maybe growing a little Blue Piranha family. I think of Todd Reed and his lovely studio:

source

...and while that's bigger than I am ever likely to get (or to want to get), the fun and the camaraderie in there (yeah, the showroom is nice, but it's the working studio in the back that I'm interested in!) must be awesome. I don't think I'd want to oversee as many employees as he has, but as much as I like being alone here, some company occasionally would be nice and I always find that I learn so much from interacting with others. And I'm happy to share what I can, and maybe mentor someone else along in their career.

So while there are still tools on my list - some I'm really eager to own and start using; I already have designs in my head that can't be implemented without these tools - I will defer them until I can have the time to use them. All things when they're meant to be..

But oh, am I ever looking forward to the coming year! I'm starting back at the work table today with several things already on my plate, and I'll see what (or who!) the Universe brings to me as I move forward. I can't wait!!  :)

What's Your Announcement?

I'm feeling grateful for the internet today. I came across this again recently online (it was a Nike ad from years ago) and thought it very appropriate as we start a new year:

"You are born. And oh, how you wail! Your first breath is a scream. Not timid or low, but selfish and shattering, with all the force of waiting nine months under water. Your whole life should be like that: An announcement."

Do not hide yourself. Live loud and proud. Life is so much better when you do...

It has taken me years - literally, a lifetime - to be comfortable with this. To accept me. To accept me even when others tell me I am not enough, I do not do enough, I cannot give them what they want or need from me. I can only give what I can give...and I must tend my own needs as well or live a very unhappy life.

I don't often get "up close and personal" on this blog, but I do feel compelled to share things I feel very strongly about. And lately the subject of being happy with one's self has really been in focus for me. I have two good friends who seem to be struggling mightily with this and it hurts me to see them hurting. I have been there. I have struggled, feeling like I could not break away from my unhappiness. I thought it was part of me...I thought I was born with it. But I was not. It was a burden I carried but a few years ago I finally - finally - was able to release it. And when I did, that was one of the happiest days in my life. It was like I found the key to unlock the door and step out of my prison...it was earth-shattering and life-changing.

And I'm hoping mightily that the people I know, (and those I don't know) who are also struggling, will find their own keys to happiness. That they can claim a measure of peace that they so deserve...that we all deserve.  That they, some of whom are you, my loyal supporters, my fellow jewelry-makers, the wonderful, funny, amazing souls who do not see all their strange, awesome, individual wonderfulness - manage to find joy. It's there, out in the Universe, waiting for you to accept it...to accept yourself...to be able to choose happiness. Don't be afraid of "doing the work", as my therapist says. It's messy and painful and scary but I PROMISE that it's so much better on the other side...amazingly better than you'd ever believe. Whatever it takes to get you there - therapy, self-help books, leaving behind what you know to move forward, moving, divorcing (or conversely, committing)...whatever it takes to find acceptance and self-love...do it.

Make your announcement happy, bold, inspiring, joyful, triumphant...whatever form your own happiness takes. It doesn't mean that the whole world will love you. Or even like you, necessarily. But that ceases to matter when you truly love yourself. You'll be okay with you...and that's what matters.

Wishing you a wonderfully HAPPY 2014!!!