Small Changes

I recently bought a pair of fuchsia pants. They're linen, they're fun, and I can think of about ten things I will wear with them. "Pink pants!?", someone said. "I could never wear those." And why not? It's just color...

I don't know if this is regional, but I find that a fair number of people who are browsing my tent at festivals are afraid of color. Black will always sell, blue (most shades) will always sell, but stick a red or purple or green out there and people will say, "I don't know what I would wear that with." I'm always a little surprised by this (even after all these years), because I love color and I like to mix colors up together. There's more to life than making sure your blue earrings go with your blue jeans.

It seems like such a little thing, this fear of color. But it made me wonder, how many other small fears hold us back in our lives? How many times do we do the same things (respond the same way to compliments, go about the same tasks, in the same order, reach for the same outfit - in black, white, or gray) repeatedly? And what might happen if we handled them differently? Would compliments be savored, instead of dismissed? Would we find more efficient ways to handle our tasks, so we have more free time? Would we wear...red, purple, or green?

Why not try it and see what happens? Letting go of some small fears (or at the very least, some ingrained patterns) can be very eye-opening. And small changes often lead to bigger ones. Imagine letting go of some great fear, or some perception you've been carrying, about how you "just can't" do something. Or maybe it's how you "always" do something one way. (And you always get a negative reaction...food for thought, that). Try something new today! Start with something small, and see where it leads. And then try another...

But be careful - before you know it, you might be wearing pink pants. And liking it. :)

(Don't) Tell Me What I Want to Hear

One of my running personal jokes with my husband is that he NEVER tells me what I want to hear. Far from it! Instead he gives me his direct, honest feedback about everything. And while I tease him that sometimes I just want to hear warm and fuzzy platitudes, he knows I really value his input and advice. (AND he knows that I would kick his butt if he just pawned me off with meaningless niceties, but that's a different issue).

Most people will never do that, though, at least in my experience. We don't often share our true thoughts and feelings with one another. Sometimes because the other person doesn't *really* want to hear anything that's not positive. Some people are afraid. Some will turn around and accuse you of snobbery, jealousy, envy...or any other negativity. Truthfulness seems to be considered "rude" in our current There Are No Losers, Every Child Gets An Award, You Deserve a Pat on the Back Just For Being Here social environment.

I understand about social niceties and manners, and I get the reasons for little white lies. But when someone really is asking for bare, unvarnished feedback, I personally think it's rude *not* to honor that request. If someone truly wants your honesty, I think it's more respectful to your relationship to give it. There are a million ways to gently share your thoughts, even if they are less than positive, so why not? How can a person grow or change without real feedback?

I have very few people in my life (besides my husband) on whom I can depend to tell me what they really think, if I ask Sometimes even if I don't ask...they'll tell me anyway. And I love that. Yeah, it might hurt up front, but only because I am a fragile, sensitive artist-type person. That outer shell you see is just a cover! But I do love that honesty, because it makes me think differently. It might change how I do something, or how I feel or think about something. It's growth medicine.

Recently a friend mentioned something about an aspect of my business. My first response was, literally, "Ouch.". She immediately began to apologize and I told her, "Don't apologize. Ouch is good!" And it is. Those little prickles tell me that I need to look at something, analyze it, sort out how I really feel about it, and then make any necessary changes. I know her comment came from the heart, out of a desire to help. I took that comment home and chewed it over for a while, played with it, and it ended up helping me finalize something I'd been struggling with. Was that a positive? Of course it was. And so worth the trouble to get there.

So to my husband and my friends: please, keep doing what you're doing. Tell me what you think and feel. I might not be overjoyed initially, but I will respect it and learn from it. And I will respect *you* for it. Your feedback is invaluable and I cherish it. Don't ever tell me what I want to hear.

Platitude-free,
Jill

Life Rules

One of the reasons I started my own business was because I was tired of working for companies whose missions and visions didn't necessarily match up with my own. And one of my great joys has been to see my company take shape, in the way *I* want it to be. It's an extension of myself and therefore, what it puts out into the world is what I am putting out into the world (most days, anyway. Sometimes I am just cranky and it's good that I work from home with no social interaction!).

I was recently asked what my "rules" are for the business. And while I don't consciously think about my rules that often, they inform everything I do, both personally and professionally. So I thought I'd share them here:

1. The Golden Rule. Do Unto Others. I firmly believe that you get back what you give. If you dish out crap, you're going to get crap thrown back at you. If you are positive and kind, you'll get the same back. Really, any other rules I might have are just subsets of this.

2. Do No Harm. I believe in a "live and let live" philosophy. If your lifestyle / behavior isn't hurting anyone, then by all means, enjoy it. It doesn't mean that I will necessarily agree with it, but I respect your choice.

3. A Rising Tide Lifts All Boats. The jewelry design world is extremely competitive - hell, the world in general is extremely competitive! And some people are so competitive that they think their success is contingent on others' failing. I believe there's enough room in this world for all of us to succeed in our own ways. We each have to walk our own paths, but most of us have learned from others' experience, mistakes, or assistance. So be open to sharing with others to help them succeed. And hope they succeed beyond their wildest dreams.

4. Know Who You Are, and Be True to Yourself. Be honest with yourself, always. Know who you are and then act accordingly. Don't be swayed by something that goes against who you are. And be proud of who you are. If you can't be proud, then look for ways to change the parts of yourself you dislike.

5. Build Bridges, not Walls. Those of you who have been reading my blog for some time have heard this before! We are all connected. Every interaction, no matter how small, has meaning. Why not make it a positive interaction? Give random compliments. Take the time to look people in the eye, and smile! Wish them the best. Take the stones you are given and build bridges everywhere you go. And just see what kind of richly fulfilled life you will have. :)

Please feel free to share your thoughts here. I am eager to hear your own life rules!

Philosophically,
Jill