Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Mantras: No Pride, No Shame

I posted about my first mantra, "Fake It 'til You Make It" and how it's worked for me. Today I'll tell you about a more recent mantra.   :)

What's on the surface is the same as what's belowsource: Google Images

This most recent mantra is definitely an outgrowth of "fake it 'til you make it", but is pretty much its polar opposite. "No pride and no shame" is one of my current mantras. And just like "fake it", it can be viewed negatively, but it is anything BUT. This represents my commitment to living an open life.

No pride means simply that: I don't want to be too proud, too above risk-taking and looking foolish - too scared to try things - I want to be open to new experiences always.

No shame means no regrets. I strive to live my life in a way that I don't have to hide anything from anyone, that I am fully open and honest both about what I've done in the past and what I do now and in the future.

"Pride attaches undue importance to the superiority of one's status in the eyes of others; And shame is fear of humiliation at one's inferior status in the estimation of others." Lao-Tzu

Transparency and authenticity is my ideal. I don't want to feel ashamed of my past; I don't want to have to lie about what I have or haven't done. For example:

I have never done drugs. Not even pot. Never tried, never wanted to. In that sense, I'm as straight-arrow as they come.

- I lost my virginity two weeks before I turned 21. (Yes, you may call me a late bloomer).

- I was deliberately utterly mean to another girl in high school. I planned and orchestrated something that was incredibly hurtful to her. This occurred thirty years ago and it still makes me cringe when I think of it. I am heartily sorry for how I treated her. AND I use that memory to remind me of  how I never want to behave again.

- I don't believe in God. I believe in a higher power and the interconnectedness of everyone and everything. I believe in the Golden Rule. I believe that what we do (or don't do), choose (or don't choose), counts. But I don't believe that the "something greater than ourselvess" is God in the Biblical sense.

Sometimes I am the geekiest girl on the block. Sometimes I'm clueless about things I shouldn't be clueless about. Sometimes I'm brilliant!  :)  But I am me and I want to be an open book to the world. This doesn't mean that I need to share every detail of my life. But when having conversations with friends or meeting new people, if I'm asked a personal question, I don't lie. Depending on the topic (and I'm open to all topics), and how weird / inflammatory / surprising the response seems to be, reactions vary widely. Some people don't like my answers. Some people don't like me. Some folks don't get my sense of humor. I am perfectly okay with that. I like me, and I am living my life in the best way that I know how. That it doesn't appeal to everyone is just fine.  :)

It took a long time to get that comfortable with myself, and sometimes it's still not all that comfortable. I presented only part(s) of myself to the world for a long, long time. And it was a difficult transition from being in hiding to being so open. But accepting my faults and flaws, striving to change them, and presenting myself honestly to others is much healthier than hiding away like I used to. It's scary at first. But it's like laying down an overwhelming weight once you show the real you.

It's changed my life...utterly...absolutely...deliciously! for the better. Once you shed the cloak of fear, you'll be free from worrying about what others think. It doesn't mean you won't be judged. But it means that you won't judge yourself by what anyone else thinks. And getting to that point...well that will make your life incredibly, fundamentally...AMAZING.


  1. My dear ....what a fabulous and honest post...I am totally intrigued...

    1. Thanks Tamera! It's been a long, long time coming. And some heavy therapy to help get me there. But so, so worth it.