A Little Post About Shrinkage

The sum total of today's output (so far). Great oaks from mighty acorns...

 
My husband tells me that I am an acquired taste...and yes, I am. I'm also not to everyone's taste...but that wasn't always so. Before I became an acquired taste, I was as bland as vanilla ice cream, as palatable as chamomile tea, and probably a lot more well-liked than I am now. Which is not to say that people don't like me...but the more *me* I become, inevitably I seem to be more of an "I don't know about her..." kind of girl. I might take some getting used to. Some people decide they don't like me. And that's okay.

What does that have to do with jewelry? Or the photo above, of the hundreds of tiny metal mosaic pieces I have just cut? Well..a lot, actually...

The very brilliant and perceptive Danielle LaPorte has an excellent post on her blog called, "The Real Reason Some People Are Bad for You" and I utterly agree with her perspective. It's about what we do in response to negativity from others. Go, read it now, and then feel free to share your thoughts...in the meantime, I'll share mine.  :)

This very much touches on the post I wrote here about self-love. I think that if you love yourself, and you're comfortable / happy with who you are, it *does* hurt to shrink. Not that it can't be done from time to time, in order to be graceful, or kind, or considerate of others, yeah, okay, you rein yourself in for a bit. But having to shrink one's self all the time is soul-killing.

And that will also kill a creative's spirit. I can't tell you how many times when people "talk" on some of my online chat groups they post things like, "Well, my husband denigrates my work" or "my family doesn't support me" or "I am not allowed (!!) to do thus-and-such". I have been there, and it's hurtful. It's demoralizing. These women are living small. And I get it (though I hate it); it's hard to live loud and proud when those around you want you to be small...or need for you to be small so that they can feel big. It's a power struggle and the person who shrinks themselves, who denies themselves, loses. Every time.

Now, I'm not saying that every creative should make a career out of what they love. It's risky, it's typically a very up-and-down roller coaster ride of finances, and it requires long, long hours of work to make the creations, then market and sell them. That can be hard on a family. And for every stay-at-home-mom who's "made it" on Etsy or eBay or elsewhere, there are at least a hundred others who don't. Or can't. Sometimes what you love should stay a passionate hobby. You can still create in your downtime from work, on the weekends, when the kids are asleep...there are options for the passionate hobbyist. If you love it, you'll continue to do it, in whatever measure. Unless you are in a relationship(s) where you and your creativity are constantly boxed in, denigrated...shrunken. Then you'll either leave, or give up your passion entirely for as long as you are in that situation.

But sometimes, it becomes more than you expected. My own designing started out as a hobby, and stayed that way, for nearly a decade. In fact, *I* didn't think about turning it into a business; it was Brett who suggested it, and then when I was laid off via a corporate merger in the early aughts, he really pushed me to pursue it. And owning and running my own business has been instrumental in allowing me to stretch and reach and to actually believe in myself (because when things seem impossible, and you're the only person standing up for yourself (because it's your business), you'd damn well better believe in YOU because YOU are the only thing that's going to get you through the rough times). It made me to develop a...shall we say, "stronger" personality so I wouldn't get pushed around. And the stronger part developed into the girl who didn't, who eventually couldn't, just shrink herself and make nice. Instead she stretched and grew and even occasionally roared when she had to. And I think once you do that, and do it long enough that it becomes who you are, you can't go back.

I've been thinking about this a lot lately as I am working on pushing the mosaic creations further, and as I work on creating bolder, bigger designs. The mosaics get a lot of attention; they sometimes even inspire awe (always very gratifying). But they are not for everyone. They're not the "be happy and play nice" of most of my more gemstone-focused designs. The stone-based pieces say, "Mmm! I like color! I'm a little bold! I don't mind asymmetry!" All true. All good. But there are others who want to adorn themselves with something that's really different. People who are comfortable being different. Who don't worry about what the rest of us think about them. The people who, as Wayne Dyer might say, have broken "from the tribe" and are forging their own paths.

Those are the people I find fascinating. The ones I strive to learn from. The ones I want to design for. They're living life on their own terms and yeah, that might not be to everyone's taste. They might have to grow on you...or maybe they won't. But they don't shrink and they don't worry about being judged...it sounds kind of nice, doesn't it?

I want the mosaic designs to be like that. Bold. You might have to consider them, get used to the idea. They might be an acquired taste...and that's totally okay.

As bold as I've gotten...so far. 

So all those little tiny bits of sterling in the photo above? They're just waiting to become something daring and different and wonderful. And to go to a good home with someone who appreciates their unique-ness.  :) 

Don't shrink yourself. For anyone. Expand, grow, emerge, bloom!  You won't regret it!

Big Changes, Big Rewards

I feel like I've spent the better part of this year moving toward the big picture. Not known for my ability to strategize (but if you want someone detail oriented, I'm your girl!), I spent the first several months of 2013 focusing on honing my making skills. Lots of time spent at the work table, with the torch, joining things together.

And in April, all that work sort of metamorphosed into a collection. Not that it was really a collection at the time....more like seven pieces of jewelry that had, at least, a cohesiveness (something my designs have been sorely lacking since I began fabricating). And they sold...not like crazy - I don't know if any handmade art jewelry sells like crazy in this economy or environment - but I sold several at my first three festivals of the year. A month later, I had two other festivals. And I sold several there. And so on, all year long. I sold several online, too. They seemed to be well-received everywhere I displayed them.

So I continued to refine, practice, design, create - in this same vein. But the whole time, I'd been making one piece. Soldering it. Making another. Soldering it. (ad nauseum). Which was fine...until I enlisted my husband's help in rearranging my studio recently (big project, still not done, but some major changes were made).  And WOW, what a difference! Last week, I made earrings. Twelve gemstone settings (six pairs). In the same painful (I now realize) manner as before.

This week, I made ten pendants. In a quite less painful manner. And I am amazed at what happened!

Having the space to design them all together made them sort of blossom. They got more complex. They got more showy. They really started to take on a life of their own...I'm thrilled. And it's funny, since I batch nearly everything I can (soldering, cleanup, polishing), that I didn't think to batch my designing...or maybe I just haven't had the time, in addtion to not having set up the space to do it. I'm so thrilled with the results! These creations started out as some very simple metal embellishments to accent my ever-constant love of beautiful gems. And now they still do that, but they're so much more than just the second fiddle to the colored stones. They're part of a more "whole" design scenario:

Looking at them all as more of a whole than as one design, another design, then another design...has really helped me focus on what I'm doing with EACH design. And designing them as series-es, which I plan to do even more going forward, has influenced how each design turns out. Some have more "choppy" or spiky ends on the textured parts, some have more loops, some have more curves and waves and circles. In this series there was only one (2nd up from bottom, center) that had spiky embellishments. The rest are quite wavy and flowing.

AND, because the metalwork has started to come into its own, per se, I am thinking about my gem buying  plans for next year. I had shied away from larger stones, buying in a certain size (which means, usually, a certain price point) to keep costs down. And I'm still concerned about that, of course, but now I'm feeling (again, I know I've mentioned this before) like I want to go bigger and bolder with the gem size and the metal design.

I think a few things have contributed to this:

1. The Sedona Arts Festival. Just over a year ago, I was in Sedona, not selling a whole lot, and hearing, "I wish it was a little bigger", fairly regularly. And the jewelry the women were wearing! Bold. Color. Heavy silver. Gorgeous! I vowed then to go larger. But I sort of chickened out on my next buying trip...it's easier to say you're going to do something, but without an established way to do it...harder to follow through.

2. The Ruidoso Arts Festival. This past July, I went to Ruidoso, NM. And tanked. I've posted about it...lots of women from Texas. Who kept wanting things bigger and blingy-er. I'm not jumping into bling, but bigger color and stone size? I can do that. And the jewelry they were wearing! (see a theme, here?). Sometimes I think I've lived in the Southeast for too long, where the women tend to like small. Dainty. Pretty. Not-statement-y. But I grew up in the West and I LOVE bold. So why not design bold?

3. My own confidence in my skills. The first year I showed any fabricated jewelry at festivals, I told people I was a "baby metalsmith". I was a beginner...totally unsure of myself. Didn't want any custom orders (which of course, didn't mean I didn't take them...a girl's gotta push herself). Felt like an impostor. Oh, it was UGLY. I hadn't set any stones at that point (well, outside of classes. Nothing I would dare to sell). I was lost and looking for myself but I wasn't ready.

This year, the payoff for persisting has been HUGE. I've been practicing nonstop for the last two years and things I used to struggle with are now coming much more easily, which frees up my concentration for designing, rather than being so intensely focused on the physicality of making. And *that's* the happiest place to be.  :)

February Overview

I'm not much of a wisher. Dandelions, falling stars, birthday cakes...I tend to be more of the (paraphrasing) "if you want something done, do it yourself" mindset. But I was going back through some old files recently, and this line caught my eye:

"always wishing, ever hopeful"

is a snippet from a years-old poem of mine. (1996, to be exact). It's part of the penultimate line of the poem, and it sounds so very unlike me, especially back then. But if you knew the very last words of the poem, it would make more sense:

"and still I linger, always wishing

ever hopeful, gaining nothing"

February felt a little bit like that. I am working on making changes to my personal life and my career, and for now I feel like I'm the girl who is looking up hopefully, but so far gaining nothing...or in some ways, losing nothing. 

I am now moderately drinking wine, after January's no-alcohol stint. And I find that I am drinking less of it, and wanting less of it, overall. But it still seems to have not made a whit of difference in my weight, which was one of my key reasons for abstaining. 

I'm also off all extra sugar, and that has apparently had no effect either! This I find amazingly difficult to believe. I am having no hot cider (with whipped cream) on cold days, I am having no whipped cream on anything...and I am having no candy, chocolate, licorice, frozen yogurt (which I love, and seems healthy, but is really full of sugar). And I'm still exercising regularly three times a week. Apparently I am managing to eat my way through enough calories to keep my weight the same...they're just healthier calories.

I've realized that while I do enjoy "good" food, like salmon or chicken or veggies, I really do consider sweets a treat...and I was treating myself several days a week. But apparently not enough to make a difference in my weight or clothing size? My only hope so far is that I am in the midst of a very slow weight loss that will take at least three months to happen! ~wry smile~ Apparently stronger measures are needed.

But I have noticed some changes...for one, more energy. I am not quite the exhausted soul I was for most of January. Whether that's due to the COQ10, the exercise, or the reduced amount of sugar I'm having, I don't know. But I have been feeling less pain from time to time, and am not wanting to sleep six hours a day PLUS eight or more at night...I'll call that progress.  :)

Career-wise, things are slow too. I didn't hit my January deadlines for submitting to festivals, which leaves a huge gap in my schedule. I could have filled that with...well, "filler" shows, but that's the kind of panicky thing I did last year, and it didn't work so well for me. So I did not allow myself to send in applications for shows that I feel I've outgrown. However...that means very few shows from March - May...a long time to be without my main source of income.

I spent a good portion of January and early February feeling stressed and worried about the looming months. And then I just had to let it go. I have to trust and believe that what I'm doing is what's right for me, that the path I'm on is part of the larger journey, that the Universe will provide. That's big stuff for a girl who has never trusted anyone / anything to provide for her...and pretty much still doesn't. "If you want something done..."

But I am finding that I just can't rush the progress on the jewelry. I did finally get the new items photographed and submitted to a few shows. One of them is probably quite out of my reach, the others, maybe less so...but I'm still optimistic, I suppose. So now I just have to wait see what happens with those. I won't know anything until April 1 at the earliest...all I can do is keep working, keep trying new things, keep growing my skills and also...hope for a little luck in the jurying process

Always wishing...ever hopeful.

*Also, at today's weigh-in, down two pounds from the beginning of the month. *Despite* five days in New Orleans. So it's not a big change, but I'll take it. Better than going in the other direction!  :)

Stepping Forward

 2013 is my year of new adventures. So I'm starting off with one thing that is scary to me:  I've signed up for an "intermediate-advanced" jewelry fabrication course.

Here's the description:

"Jewelry and Metalsmithing students who have already learned the basics and work independently will learn the tips only a professional can teach how to get gallery quality results in less time. With a small class size, students receive personalized attention for their specific needs in design, advanced fabrication, clasps, stone setting, touches of gold, production techniques, rolling mill, tool maintenance, soldering tips and tricks, wax carving for casting, metalsmithing techniques and other demos that students request. Most students work on their own designs with an emphasis on one or more of the demos shown during class."

Sounds good, no? Then why am I nervous about it? Because it's pushing me out of my comfort zone. Right now I have a small stock of things I can do (almost) without thinking about them. I did say "almost".  :)  Over the past year, I've gotten comfortable with quite a few techniques. Now I want to start learning SO many more, but it means beginning at the bottom of the skill set again.

I also want to understand design better, and add my own "voice" or style more into what I create. So I'm a bit anxious, but looking forward to creative challenges!

Circle of Love Necklace

This pendant was definitely a challenge for me. I don't often design in concentric ways, or in symmetrical shapes. But I was intrigued by the idea of taking the jagged mosaic bits and keeping them within the boundaries of a circular shape. This pendant required a LOT of finagling to make sure the pieces were equidistant from the center of the circle, and from each other, and also that they formed a rounded shape on the outer ring. 

I also set the garnet so that the bottom overlaps into the inner circle, but I didn't solder it to the back plate fully:

it's hard to see against the dark stone, but the bottom of the garnet is supported only by the outer bezel and has no back plate inside the circle. A bit challenging to set as I raised the stone, but it wanted to "tip" over toward that open bottom when I set it. I'm not sure I'll do it again, but it was a satisfying challenge.  :)

Anyhoo, I went to class tonight and it was better than I imagined. Better than I could have imagined. I suspect it will be most beneficial and I will be counting the hours until next week when I get to go "be a sponge" (as my husband says) once again. I'm so ready for all this learning and I think it will be a career-defining - or at least very career-enhancing - choice.  :)

One last photo, because you can't see that yummy red garnet color in the first two!

New Adventures

 “I hope that in this year to come, you make mistakes.

Because if you are making mistakes, then you are making new things, trying new things, learning, living, pushing yourself, changing yourself, changing your world. You're doing things you've never done before, and more importantly, you're Doing Something.

So that's my wish for you, and all of us, and my wish for myself. Make New Mistakes. Make glorious, amazing mistakes. Make mistakes nobody's ever made before. Don't freeze, don't stop, don't worry that it isn't good enough, or it isn't perfect, whatever it is: art, or love, or work or family or life.

Whatever it is you're scared of doing, Do it.

Make your mistakes, next year and forever.”
― Neil Gaiman

source

This pendant wasn't supposed to have a turquoise drop. I accidentally drilled the holes on the top and the bottom. So I had to do something...that's just one of last year's mistakes. At least this one was salvageable  :)
 

This year's goals include having lots of new adventures. They may not be huge adventures, but they begin with moving forward toward new delights. There will be mistakes. I know it. But I don't kmow of any better way to learn than to learn from them and add that to the knowledge base. Last year's work with stones and bezels taught me that. So this year is going to be full of even more time devoted to my craft and developing a broader range of skills.

 

I have three full months ahead of me with no festivals. I have a glorious amount of time to explore, to design, to create. To work toward achieving the dreams and goals for my business and myself. 

I'm SO excited!!

Today began with five minutes of meditation (I know...getting all new-age-y, but I keep reading about its benefits...and I feel like I keep reading about its benefits because I'm supposed to pay attention to those little pokes). It went by quickly and painlessly, though I'm not sure I reaped any major benefits from it just yet - and now I'm drinking lemon water and getting my mind ready for the day, which includes...cardio. Of which I've done absolutely zero since the end of September. 

I'm so NOT excited!!

But it's time to get back on a routine. It's good for me physically and mentally and really...thirty minutes a day three times a week (okay, it might be twenty minutes twice this week.) is really nothing to complain about.  :)

And it's time to get back to (or start) a new work routine too. One of my jewelry goals is to create a piece every day (or, if I don't finish one every day, at least BE in the creative process daily), and get it photographed and online more quickly than I usually do. Shouldn't be hard with all this time on my hands, mmm?  

I wish you all the best as you pursue your own goals and endeavors this year! 

Blue Piranha 2.0 (or 3.0). I Know, it's Hard to Keep Up

I began my business in 2003. And now, nearly ten years later, I am beginning it again.

Okay, that's not entirely accurate. I've been beginning it again now for a couple of years. It's seen more revamps and changes than...well, let's just say it's seen a *lot* of changes.  :)

Back in 2003, I was stringing beads, as I had been for most of the eight years prior (my love of jewelry design was a hobby before it was my livelihood). My first show - it did not come close to qualifying as an "art festival" - was in Woodstock, Georgia. A bit off the beaten path. It was, as you may suspect, rather sparsely attended. Hell, it was sparsely populated with artists - I think there were a total of thirty of us. We mostly sat quietly in our booths, wondering, waiting, and hoping. It was a long weekend. Oh, and it rained. My business was off to quite a start!

My first display was rented tables and cloths. Shiny satin-like cloths, in what were supposed to be a nice, neutral cream color, but turned out more like a light yellow. Do I have to tell you that it was not good? It was not. I had shells out on the tables for display stands. Why shells? I had some vague idea of piranha = fish = water = shells. The shells *did* look good...in fact, they looked so good that people kept asking to buy them. Oh, they bought a little jewelry too, but they really liked the shells.

In hindsight, maybe I started selling the wrong product?  :)

Anyhoo, one of my best sellers at these early shows was the Harmony bracelet. I'll show you the last remaining one, from my personal stash:

So now you know...I did have the humblest of humble beginnings! When I talk about "starting from where you are" I really mean it. I began with the basics. There was really nowhere to go but up.  :)

When I did research at juried art festivals, I realized just how much beaded jewelry was out there. Seeing that made me think about how I was going to differentiate, how I would compete, what I would offer that was unique and unusual. And I didn't have any happy answers. I knew I loved color; that's been a constant since I can remember (note that the bracelet above is chock-full of color), but other than that, I was so not unique.

I knew I wanted to play around with metal, so I started messing with wire. I shaped it, I bent it, I curled it...and eventually I had some designs I thought were pretty good. Around 2005-2008, I had a booth of mostly wire and bead designs. Shows were crowded, customers were happy, and I was making some decent money. I even had people occasionally say things like, "Where did you go to school for this?" and "You've really done something different!" (the ne plus ultra of design, at least for me). I was pretty pleased with myself. Pleased enough to try and ignore the nagging question of....what's next? 

 mid-Aughts bracelet design

Because I didn't know what was next. I felt like I had no ideas. I was frozen, paralyzed. I had a lot of sketches in my sketchbook but no way to make them happen. Well...no way to make them happen in the clean, modern style that is part of my design aesthetic. And so began the long, long, looooooong journey into fabrication. You may have read about it on this blog.  :)

from the bracelets above...to this...I could not be happier. Charoite pendant

Jumping ahead to 2012:  I had a bit of a design breakthrough earlier this year with the mosaic pieces. And I'm still working through what direction I'm going to take those designs. So far the direction looks like bigger, more intricate jewelry. Also maybe bigger mosaic metal pieces. Those tiny buggers are so labor-intensive and hard to handle with my hand tremors. And I just designed that B-I-G necklace and really liked the feel and size of it...I'd like to make a B-I-G mosaic necklace... bracelets...rings...there's so much more to come!

When it Counts

Practice, as the old saying goes, makes perfect. And in jewelry fabrication, just like anything else, practice is necessary to get consistently good. Malcolm Gladwell's 10,000 Hour Rule indicates that it takes about a decade to become great. Great, not just consistently good.

That means that I'm a little less than a third of the way, on my path to achieving greatness (and of course "greatness", like prosperity, wealth, happiness, is personally subjective). I wish I'd started earlier (don't we always) but it's really amazing to me how much my skill set has changed even in roughly 30 months.

This? Could. Not. Have. done this when I first began to fabricate:

What used to happen when I turned on the torch was that I'd stick some solder where I thought it should be, heat up the metal and...hope for the best. I'd had the classes, listened to the instruction, written copious notes, but all of that was no substitute for actually *doing* the task.

So sometimes the solder would go where I wanted it to. Sometimes it wouldn't. Sometimes it flowed the wrong way and I had to file it off. Sometimes it flowed the wrong way and I couldn't clean it off without ruining the piece. A good friend of mine told me, "You can clean up or you can cover up". Sometimes covering up is the better option, but sometimes covering up doesn't work. And you can't really clean up a textured surface without losing the texture. 

Sometimes I thought the solder flowed, but I couldn't really tell. And when I picked up the item from the soldering brick, the join wasn't actually joined. Or the two pieces that were supposed to be soldered together...weren't. I spent a LOT of time working on joining two separate pieces of metal together. My own personal mountain, that.  :)

I couldn't tell when the metal was ready, heat-wise, for the solder to flow and overheated a number of pieces. I melted some, too. I ruined some designs because of solder flowing in the wrong direction and had to remake them. The scrap jar was full of wasted metal.

But little by little, I began to notice that things...worked. And they were working on the first try (um...usually). The designs got smarter - and by this I don't mean that I am making such brilliant designs, but that I designed to incorporate less clean up (thus less labor cost) and figured out what worked and what didn't. What I could do more efficiently. How to make fabrication work for me. Because everyone has their own issues, their own preferences, their own ways of fabricating. The basics remain the same, but the ways we do them are individual to each of us.

And now, with these more complex pieces, these new designs that make me finally feel like I am doing something new and different in the jewelry world, these pieces that are so far from the simple pieces I first made, I feel like I am peeking over the wall and catching a glimpse of the view on the other side. And that feels SO good. Especially for a girl who was fairly convinced that she'd never get there.

So when it counts, as it does when I'm making these pieces:

I'm glad that I've put the time in and had all of that physical learning, all of the the trials and errors, because otherwise I wouldn't have been able to execute these. It would have been an exercise in frustration and I think I would have felt like such a loser. But now I'm able to design and create things that are so much cooler than I ever thought I could. And that's worth ALL the time and effort it took to get here.  :)

Mantras: No Pride, No Shame

I posted about my first mantra, "Fake It 'til You Make It" and how it's worked for me. Today I'll tell you about a more recent mantra.   :)

What's on the surface is the same as what's below.  source: Google Images

This most recent mantra is definitely an outgrowth of "fake it 'til you make it", but is pretty much its polar opposite. "No pride and no shame" is one of my current mantras. And just like "fake it", it can be viewed negatively, but it is anything BUT. This represents my commitment to living an open life.

No pride means simply that: I don't want to be too proud, too above risk-taking and looking foolish - too scared to try things - I want to be open to new experiences always.

No shame means no regrets. I strive to live my life in a way that I don't have to hide anything from anyone, that I am fully open and honest both about what I've done in the past and what I do now and in the future.

"Pride attaches undue importance to the superiority of one's status in the eyes of others; And shame is fear of humiliation at one's inferior status in the estimation of others." Lao-Tzu

Transparency and authenticity is my ideal. I don't want to feel ashamed of my past; I don't want to have to lie about what I have or haven't done. For example:

-  I have never done drugs. Not even pot. Never tried, never wanted to. In that sense, I'm as straight-arrow as they come.

- I lost my virginity two weeks before I turned 21. (Yes, you may call me a late bloomer).

- I was deliberately utterly mean to another girl in high school. I planned and orchestrated something that was incredibly hurtful to her. This occurred thirty years ago and it still makes me cringe when I think of it. I am heartily sorry for how I treated her. AND I use that memory to remind me of  how I never want to behave again.

- I don't believe in God. I believe in a higher power and the interconnectedness of everyone and everything. I believe in the Golden Rule. I believe that what we do (or don't do), choose (or don't choose), counts. But I don't believe that the "something greater than ourselvess" is God in the Biblical sense.

Sometimes I am the geekiest girl on the block. Sometimes I'm clueless about things I shouldn't be clueless about. Sometimes I'm brilliant!  :)  But I am me and I want to be an open book to the world. This doesn't mean that I need to share every detail of my life. But when having conversations with friends or meeting new people, if I'm asked a personal question, I don't lie. Depending on the topic (and I'm open to all topics), and how weird / inflammatory / surprising the response seems to be, reactions vary widely. Some people don't like my answers. Some people don't like me. Some folks don't get my sense of humor. I am perfectly okay with that. I like me, and I am living my life in the best way that I know how. That it doesn't appeal to everyone is just fine.  :)

It took a long time to get that comfortable with myself, and sometimes it's still not all that comfortable. I presented only part(s) of myself to the world for a long, long time. And it was a difficult transition from being in hiding to being so open. But accepting my faults and flaws, striving to change them, and presenting myself honestly to others is much healthier than hiding away like I used to. It's scary at first. But it's like laying down an overwhelming weight once you show the real you.

It's changed my life...utterly...absolutely...deliciously! for the better. Once you shed the cloak of fear, you'll be free from worrying about what others think. It doesn't mean you won't be judged. But it means that you won't judge yourself by what anyone else thinks. And getting to that point...well that will make your life incredibly, fundamentally...AMAZING.