Back Glancing, Forward Looking

The last three years have seen a huge transformation, both personally and professionally. I've grown, shed some things that weren't working, am in the process of shedding more, opened myself up to a world I didn't even realize I existed (and it has been more rewarding in ways I could never have imagined), stretched, risked, gambled, stumbled, cried, lost, fallen...and gained...and loved and been loved so very greatly I can hardly believe it.

What a whirlwind! It culminated in the last two months of 2014 being utterly exhausting, finding myself stretched as thin in some ways as I ever have been, barely able to rally by the end of the year, eventually giving in to illness, physical pain, frustration.

But this year...I'm not sure why, but 2015 feels like hope, to me. The pain isn't gone, the struggles still exist, but there has been a fundamental shift slowly building over all this time, and it's coalescing in so many ways. I feel clearer, cleaner, stronger, more determined and ready to move forward than I have in a long time. Soaking in life and lessons like a thirsty sponge, planning, thinking, deciding...choosing paths and setting strategies.

One of 2014's trials-and-errors that worked...Peruvian opal earring fancies. :) 

It's been about six weeks since I've laid my hands on any metal, lit the torch, set any gorgeous gems. That's a long time for me...and yet, it's been necessary. Jewelry fabrication is physically hard on the body. And sometimes it's hard on the mind. And last year I ran, and ran...from one event to another, feeling overwhelmed even before the year began, tired, drained, wanting to do so much, and in reality, able to achieve so little.

A personal favorite from last year. Royston turquoise and amazonite.

And though I can't predict, or control, what will happen with my own physical abilities this year, I am restructuring things a bit to hopefully compensate for my limitations, allowing for a creative atmosphere and a lot of forward movement, an open doorway through which so many lovely treasures will come into being and much happiness will be shared.

I wonder how these will develop...interconnected pieces? Scattered gems? Time in the studio will tell... 

I hope you all have a very marvelous 2015, that you climb, and stretch, and move forward in your own ways, by leaps and bounds and that you thrive. That you resonate with happiness and fulfillment. I suspect you will...it seems like that kind of year. :)

Be well!

-Jill

What's Your Announcement?

I'm feeling grateful for the internet today. I came across this again recently online (it was a Nike ad from years ago) and thought it very appropriate as we start a new year:

"You are born. And oh, how you wail! Your first breath is a scream. Not timid or low, but selfish and shattering, with all the force of waiting nine months under water. Your whole life should be like that: An announcement."

Do not hide yourself. Live loud and proud. Life is so much better when you do...

It has taken me years - literally, a lifetime - to be comfortable with this. To accept me. To accept me even when others tell me I am not enough, I do not do enough, I cannot give them what they want or need from me. I can only give what I can give...and I must tend my own needs as well or live a very unhappy life.

I don't often get "up close and personal" on this blog, but I do feel compelled to share things I feel very strongly about. And lately the subject of being happy with one's self has really been in focus for me. I have two good friends who seem to be struggling mightily with this and it hurts me to see them hurting. I have been there. I have struggled, feeling like I could not break away from my unhappiness. I thought it was part of me...I thought I was born with it. But I was not. It was a burden I carried but a few years ago I finally - finally - was able to release it. And when I did, that was one of the happiest days in my life. It was like I found the key to unlock the door and step out of my prison...it was earth-shattering and life-changing.

And I'm hoping mightily that the people I know, (and those I don't know) who are also struggling, will find their own keys to happiness. That they can claim a measure of peace that they so deserve...that we all deserve.  That they, some of whom are you, my loyal supporters, my fellow jewelry-makers, the wonderful, funny, amazing souls who do not see all their strange, awesome, individual wonderfulness - manage to find joy. It's there, out in the Universe, waiting for you to accept it...to accept yourself...to be able to choose happiness. Don't be afraid of "doing the work", as my therapist says. It's messy and painful and scary but I PROMISE that it's so much better on the other side...amazingly better than you'd ever believe. Whatever it takes to get you there - therapy, self-help books, leaving behind what you know to move forward, moving, divorcing (or conversely, committing)...whatever it takes to find acceptance and self-love...do it.

Make your announcement happy, bold, inspiring, joyful, triumphant...whatever form your own happiness takes. It doesn't mean that the whole world will love you. Or even like you, necessarily. But that ceases to matter when you truly love yourself. You'll be okay with you...and that's what matters.

Wishing you a wonderfully HAPPY 2014!!!